I really miss blogging. I love spilling my brain onto the keyboard and watching what comes out. I love the interaction with others on especially good posts. I love reading back over the things I’ve written and patting myself on the back with my brilliance.
No, I’m not conceited. Far from it. But, there are times when you can really connect with the things that you write and no matter how much time passes by, you can still nod your head and say, “I get that. It’s still valid. And that’s an amazing point!”
In my time spent wandering the internet tonight, I finally got disgusted at the influx of spam comment moderation emails I needed to handle and popped on over to my admin page. I usually look at my blog too, just to see if there’s some inspiration to be gleaned from looking at the layout. Tonight though, the layout bugged me. It was lacking. Impersonal. So, to “theme land” I went and I started checking out the multitude of different themes out there to see if there was another that seemed more fitting.
Considering my obsession with Pinterest and my love for notes, the current theme with the cork board looking background and the rivets…THAT makes my heart skip a little.
So there you have it folks. A new blog theme has prompted a completely random blog post from yours truly.
I have been working on the back end of things though over the last couple of weeks. I abandoned WordPress hosting and decided to move my domain name from Name Cheap over to Bluehost. Now I have all that fun CPanel access and can create unlimited email addresses and such and overall, I’m just plain excited about all the options available to me for blogging.
So since I’ve paid for my own domain and am now paying for quality web hosting, I feel that is damn good enough reason to blog about whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want Will it create blog traffic? No. But I am quite aware that what I have now is all that I may have in the future. And I’m doing this for me
With the wedding coming up soon though, I might wind up looking at changing my domain name. I have a pretty awesome URL in mind that both Scott and I could use for years to come. I could also just have my current domain redirected to the new one. I just have to do some more playing around with the subdomains and see what I want to do for the main site and then how we would set up the subdomains for other little sites.
Anyway. that is all for now. I think I shall go sleep, and dream about some real blog possibilities. Things that matter, things that make people think. Or do, or laugh, or smile, or maybe even weep. Toodles loves! To another day….
If you’ve read any of my previous posts, I’m a DIY-er. I like doing things myself to save on costs and to make sure that what I do has a custom element more personal to me. That and it just feels damn good to make something yourself and see the finished product!
So. Since it’s been since NOVEMBER since I last posted a blog…I feel it’s only fair to try to show a little snippet of what has been keeping me busy
You guys have seen these invites right?
I REALLY liked this style. I love the story-telling aspect of it and the different fonts used to create interest.
We’re on a VERY tight budget. Scott is back to work now after about 4 months of being unemployed so whatever money we could have saved…well, we couldn’t save. So for this reason, we decided we would just do black text. It wouldn’t take much to add color though and make it more like the style above. However, I think ours works…
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Read the rest of this page »
No blog posts since September! Damn the lack of inspiration and the reality of just being busy!
But, I do really have some interesting news to share with you wonderful, silent followers that is part of the reason (only part – I do realize I have a bit of a lazy, uninspired bone in my body a lot of times) for my prolonged absence. You ready?
This girl right here is getting married.
Whoa. That’s kinda cool to see typed out. And know that I’m talking about me.
In reality, I knew that he would ask one day, I just didn’t know when and had no idea he was planning to ask at a friend’s Halloween party on October 27th. My friend took a video of the events too and when watching from her side, compared to how I saw things play out before me, I had NO clue it was coming! He was facing her direction, pulled out the ring box, circled quickly to face me, and dropped down to one knee. I remember looking at him and thinking, “Oh he’s just goofing off” until I noticed the box and looked down to catch a glimpse of a delightfully dainty ring! I still had the thought in my head though and almost asked him if he was serious but had the cognizance not to because if he was! And he was! He must have been in my head actually because no sooner than I stopped myself from asking that silly question, he said to me, “Yes, I’m serious…” Poor guy thought I’d say no Of course I said yes and I remained my typical self and called him a shit head. Hah!
The only hitch was that the ring was too small. But, me being me, I forced that bad boy on my finger! Yeah that’s being a girl for you! Somehow I managed to get it off my finger a week later and we took it to get sized. It was a whole size too small! Yikes…definitely lucky I was able to get it off the finger. I also had to wait another week to get the ring back. Talk about torture when I’d already grown attached to it. But now, it’s sized correctly and feels as much a part of me as my own fingers do. I’ve never been able to really keep rings on without getting annoyed by them. This though…it’s ideal
So now, I get to be that girl that gets excited over wedding things and ideas. And it’s especially fun having a man that is willing to offer opinions and get involved to help out. We’ve finally decided to just have a backyard wedding at a friend’s house. It’s a large piece of property that could easily accommodate our guest list of around 50 people or so. They have a gorgeous pool and plenty of land space as well to set up other lawn games like cornhole and maybe even lawn twister Our goal is a simple ceremony. A secular ceremony. And with any luck, we’ll have Herb Silverman be the one to marry us. He’s a fairly prominent name in the atheist community and we couldn’t be more excited at the prospect!
Our goals overall (aside from making things official) are the pictures and for our families and friends to have fun in celebration of the event. It’s going to be casual. We might do a color theme but beyond that, maybe we’ll have some silk flowers to work with and centerpieces aren’t a priority. Sure, those are cool if you’re going for the looks of the ceremony, but since I don’t even want to be in an actual wedding dress, why bother? We want our guests to show up and have a good time, eat good food and drink good drink while we socialize and celebrate our commitment to one another. And that’s what we’re gonna do
Have you ever tried searching the internet for good SIMPLE wedding ideas? My primary saving grace has been Pinterest where I can find things I like and find do-it-yourself options for those things. Like, a puzzle piece guest book. Guest show up, sign the puzzle piece, we put together later and have something we can display instead of a guest book that never gets looked at again. Or, instead of tossing rice or blowing bubbles, we can have guests toss lavender or even make these wedding wands for them to wave if they so desire. I hear people like to do stuff like that. The lavender would be awesome though for me personally. It smells FANTASTIC and would be an awesome scent to remember the wedding by, in my opinion.
Anywho, we’re still in the planning stages with less than 6 months to go. But, that shouldn’t be a horrible thing considering it’s going to be pretty low-key with the focus on us. Stay tuned!
This was originally written on February 27, 2012. Worthwhile I think
A friend asked me the following questions in one of our conversations and it actually surprised us both that I didn’t really have an answer. I have a need to know as much as I can about things but this is one I’ve left strictly as an emotion. Is it fair to try to define “love” with these parameters? Worth a look I suppose.
What does it mean to you? Well…first and foremost it’s an emotion and a precious one at that. With regard to personal relationships, it’s exclusive. It’s a strong emotion and one that deserves the utmost respect and consideration. It isn’t something that applies one day and is negated the next.
Does it have rules? What rules should it have other than to be completely honest? Love shouldn’t hurt the soul. Love enriches life. Love enriches the bond between two people. Anything that threatens that bond or that does not nourish the feeling…how can that be love?
Exclusions? Boundaries? Real love, positive love – no exclusions, no boundaries. Love is complete in its truest existence. Love needs the flexibility to traverse different areas of life. Love is supportive.
When is it most important? When isn’t love important? Much of our basis for existing is love and acceptance. So, it is important in every single day of our lives, both in sadness and in triumph.
When is it the strongest? When you show it and feel it. Acts of love and intimacy. Closeness.
Weakest? When it is rewarded with lies, distrust, lack of respect, harsh words, and hateful actions.
How do you feel when it hits you? I feel scared and elated, both at the same time. It’s almost a status change and that…well it does something to you!
How do you love someone? …I don’t know how to answer this…
Ultimately, I feel like each and every one of my answers …are so….lacking.
My logical side has met its emotional match – Love. You win. I can’t define you. I can’t put you into a little box and make you make sense. I just know that I am able to feel you. And when I do, you make me feel awesome. And when I feel you, I want to make the person you connect me with feel just as awesome. You make me feel capable of anything with that person. You make me search for ways to make them smile, to enrich their life, to support them and help them grow because I care about them and their well-being more than myself. You don’t deserve to be plopped into a box for scrutiny and comparison. You are a fluid, free-flowing emotion intent on happiness, enrichment, nourishment, and encouragement. And who am I to get in your way?
One thing I still struggle with as an atheist is astrology. Astrology is still one of those “unproven” things and most atheists throw it in the same bin as psychics and divination and other similar “new age” practices. I don’t believe in psychics. I don’t believe in divination methods like tarot card reading, palm reading, reading tea leaves, or any other hosts of “telling the future.”
I don’t think astrology can “tell the future” either. And furthermore, I don’t believe in horoscopes. But, I still can’t help but recognize specific traits of people born under the different zodiac signs. Admittedly, I did grow up in a household that allowed the research and mysticism of many new age things, astrology being a large one. I remember reading many different books about the zodiac signs and what signs were more compatible with others. I read the horoscopes too for the hell of it and tried to pretend sometimes that they had bearing on my life. I’ve since easily walked away from that since it’s so easy to take someone else’s words and give your own interpretation to them and how they may apply to your situation. I easily recognized the bullshit there.
But…the compatibility of zodiac signs…that’s harder for me to shake. Especially now considering my new relationship status with an unbelievable man. He and I are both Pisces. We’re incredibly similar in personalities and views on life, even though we’re four years apart. I have never felt so comfortable and connected to someone in my whole life! Of my more serious relationships, I’ve been with an Aries on a Pisces cusp, a Gemini, a Libra, and an Aquarius. None of these signs had “true compatibility” with Pisces and likewise, none of them lasted. And the only one to come remotely close to meeting my relationship needs was the one on a Pisces cusp. I’m sure all that is neither here nor there to someone who doesn’t subscribe to the “ideology” or who doesn’t understand the basic compatibility of the star signs. And that’s okay. You can remain lost because you’re likely rolling your eyes at this post anyway
I still have questions though. Could astrological signs be attributed to personality types instead? Does the time of year one is born help produce a typical set of traits for that person? Maybe there are biological and evolutionary explanations for these things? Or are my experiences just coincidental flukes? Am I still latching on to deeper “meanings” that aren’t there?
It’s something still worth pondering in my opinion. The connection he and I share is deep and unbelievably thorough. And when I reflect back on the previous relationships that have failed and how I thought I cared for them, and the things I overlooked or put up with…it’s a night and day difference from where I’m at now with Scott. The communication, the intensity, the honesty, the ability to trust, the compassion, the true desire to BE there for one another, the want to make things work, to make things better for each other, the support, the commitment…what we have is the kind of love that much of the world longs for; and I couldn’t be more thrilled that it’s happened to me.
So, what about you? What are your thoughts and opinions on astrology?
When I started this blog, I was unemployed. I have always liked writing and sharing my opinions on different topics. And a small part of me hoped that maybe I’d find a niche where I could produce a side income. It’s totally possible with blogging and hell, maybe it’s still a possibility for the future. The same holds true now as it did back in February when I bought my name URL and set up the blog – if I ever hope to make money blogging, I need a readership base of people interested in what I have to say. You just can’t make money if you don’t have the traffic.
Herein lies my “trouble.” I’m employed now in the IT field. I’m also nourishing a fabulous new relationship. And as part of that new relationship, I’m also now partial caretaker of two additional dogs, bringing our total canine head count to FIVE. So considering I’m gone around 12 hours a day now, I come home and find myself caring for the herd, spending time with the man, and just plain vegging out! Granted, I do have help with the dogs and house things, sometimes it’s just hard to gather enough sense for a substantial blog post. So, because of that, you’ve been offered this not so meaningful mashing of words.
I do have a few tidbits to touch on though. In one of my previous posts, I reflected on the fear I held about putting my thoughts on this blog publicly, especially since being an atheist in the Bible Belt isn’t readily acceptable. At my last interview before getting this job, they actually brought up having found my blog and how they nourish diversity and that it actually helped to show them that I was a “real” person. Personality was an important part of becoming a team member and for them, to find this space, the blog meant to demonstrate me and the things important to me…it helped them to see more of the person behind the resume, at least enough to afford me an interview; a chance. No judgment, just a chance. Simple proof that even in SC, people can be open-minded and accepting of others’ beliefs on a level that they’re willing to share space and work side-by-side peacefully. And that simple acceptance helped to further excite me about the possibilities that await me with this company.
The work isn’t hard, but it can be mentally exhausting. As the service dispatcher, I field the phone calls, assign tickets to the techs, try to do very basic troubleshooting to help ease the workload and the other numerous tasks of sorting and organizing information, prepping computers, etc. By the time I get home, my brain is fried and I feel more inclined to just be utterly lazy so it can rest and go at it again the next day. That leaves most of my free time on the weekends which I spend doing things I’ve neglected over the week, spending more QT with the man and dogs, and taking care of other life responsibilities.
That in a nutshell is why I’ve been so absent from blogging. I have so many different things I want to say but more often than not, I can’t seem to find the extra time to focus. I’m working to change that though because in a way, it benefits me. And isn’t that what blogging is about?
Er, something like that anyway. Since I’m all about being a bit thrifty, I’ve been slow to get my front landscape beds finished. I wanted more dirt and then would cover the area in newspaper for a weed barrier, and then plant a host of other plants I want to get from Bluestone Perennials.
But, my thriftiness has come at a cost. Since it’s taking so long, the front beds keep sprouting weeds and grass galore! A couple of days ago, I started working on digging out the junk again and finally realized that I should probably just throw SOMETHING in the beds to at least take up some space to prevent the weeds from going hog wild in there. So, I called up a friend and we made a trip to Lowes to see what kind of plants they had on clearance.
I scored a bunch of Vinca, some pink Thyme, a significant amount of Salvia, and a couple of Zinnias. I figured I could pair all these with the two purple Coleus plants and another Salvia I got from the Spring plant swap and at least add some color to the bed.
That was just a small sampling of the plants I’d be working with for the area. I managed to get the plants for under $12 so I feel really good about the cost part of the endeavor, since I’m not exactly confident my thumb is green And these are special needs plants seeing as how they were on the clearance rack.
So I weeded out the bed….
I wish I could remember the name of the book I read when I was younger. It was mainly about Pagan practices and covered some things such as how many of the current “Christian” holidays were swiped from Pagan rituals and festivals. One distinctive part in that book that has stuck with me for a LONG time is simply this, “To give evil a name is to give it power.” Reading that is actually what probably started my deviation away from the belief in a God as well. From that point further, I no longer believed in the Devil or Hell. I was not about to give something “power” over me, especially since negativity wasn’t something I wanted in my life at all. I remember, distinctly too, being outspoken about this whenever asked or if Hell or the Devil was brought up to me. And most people didn’t argue with me either when I explained confidently that one sentence: to give evil a name is to give it power.
I think a lot of our society is lost in a sea of “passing the buck”. Of blaming something or someone else for the wrong-doings and mishaps that occur. I find that many people are resistant to personal accountability. I mean, most of society has been taught that it’s “the Devil’s work” about the bad things that happen in life.
How about the alternatives?It was a bad choice. Or, an unfortunate timing of events. Or a result of someone else’s bad choices. Or it was part of nature. Why do these things need any other “mysterious” explanation? Why does “someone else” have to be responsible for these crappy things that happen in our world? We always tout that we aren’t perfect. And it’s true, we’re not. We’re fallible creatures that make mistakes as part of our growth process. We’re also creatures that are subjected to other things in this beautiful planet of ours that are part of nature. And we’re also subjected to the effects other people’s mistakes have on our own lives. It’s up to us to determine how we choose to handle these events that happen.
Why the need for a scapegoat?
It seems as if its for no other reason than the vast majority don’t know how to handle things that happen, that we don’t want to have happen; death, accidents, natural disasters, etc. And realistically, I can understand that. It’s hard to imagine with things like death that…that’s it. They’re gone and there’s nothing more. But, considering some of the alternatives that the Christian “afterlife” offers, is it really that bad a thing?
You can at least rest assured that they won’t burn in “Hell” because there isn’t one. And yeah, “Heaven” is touted to be this beautiful place of peace and happiness, but…well…IF there were EITHER of those places in an afterlife, it would be a body that is no longer our own. If you go to Heaven, but your significant other goes to Hell at your deaths, are you really enjoying Heaven without the presence of your significant other? For some people, isn’t that just like another version of Hell? So, would you really be in Heaven without your significant other? Or were you sent to a different kind of Hell? And what of that burning hellfire for eternity thing? I’m sure there’s something painful or unpleasant that you have experienced with some amount of frequency that the pain or unpleasantness becomes dull. So, would one not become accustomed to the hellfires? How would “Satan” amplify the punishment over the years?
If Hell were to exist, it’s one that we have created ourselves. And for many still, they live in their own Hell. Gripped by fears that make them afraid of change. Gripped by the frustrations of life and the obstacles in their way of reaching towards a better tomorrow. Born into a family with anything but respect, consideration, concern, care, or even love to encourage growth and personal development. Much of the same mantra can be repeated for each of these situations: You may have no control over what happens to you, but you do have control over how those things make you feel and how you choose to respond to them.
It’s about personal accountability. I feel we’d be a much greater nation if we quit passing the buck and made a concerned effort to take responsibility for our own actions and emotions. If we just quit praying for something to happen and instead DO something to make what we want happen, (within reason – you can’t “make” another person love you ya know ), maybe we’d be further along. Maybe we’d better appreciate others and the efforts that they have made to be of assistance to us. Maybe we’d have an easier time moving on and moving forward if we could just let go of the idea that bad things are someone else’s fault. They may be as with the effects of someone else’s bad choices in our own lives, but again, we are ultimately responsible for how we choose to handle each of life’s individual events – big or small.
I’ve been ridiculously distracted from my blog as of late because of wonderful things happening in my personal life. I’m being spoiled rotten with affection by a man many thought did not exist! A childfree atheist, capable of intelligent conversation and the ability to make me laugh and smile who loves dogs and who has completely won me over. An amazing feat really considering I was perfectly fine remaining single
But anywho, enough of that! For now anyway I was reminded of poetry last night and since I’ve been in a bit of a blog slump here, I figured I’d share a couple of my other favorite poems that I wrote way back in the day when my brain was more adept at putting things together.
Your love rushes down me
Like a waterfall
Rippling over my curves
Leaving nothing dry.
This puzzle only
Has two pieces.
Yet it’s not for children.
Only adults can play.
And two, not one,
To piece it together.
This puzzle has no box
And isn’t found
In any store.
Everywhere you go
You see potential
Yet only one
Will truly fit
The piece you hold.
One may go on for years
Testing out their puzzle pieces
While others find it
The very first time.
Your minds will connect,
Your eyes will lock,
Your lips will seal,
Your hearts at the same
Beat will pound
Your hands will mesh,
You’ll lean into him;
She’ll lean into you
And your bodies will
Meld right into the other’s
But most importantly
You will notice
The way he fits
Inside of you;
How perfectly you fit
Inside of her,
Completing the ultimate
One of Passion,
One of Sex,
One of Love,
One that never breaks
Once the connection is made.
Intertwined are our hearts
Always beating as one;
Joined at the soul
Never to be undone.
Yeah, I was a sucker for talking about love. I had some other darker poems, but I’ll save those for another day. Perhaps I can find some inspiration here and draft something new. The closest I’ve come to feeling the way I do right now was MANY MANY years ago…and I don’t think it was even this awesome
So, to another day my friends!